Things that actually matter

(This post from Brian...)

There's nothing like a weekend back home (plus a wedding and a funeral) to remind me how bad I suck at just about everything that matters in life, and how the rest of the things that consume my time and attention just seem insignificant when I take a few steps back from the day-to-day grind.

My grandpa died this week at 82 years old. What a legacy he has left to me and my family. Reflecting on him, I came up with the following 2 lists.

List #1. Things that actually matter at the end of life (i.e. "things that I suck at"):

1. Time spent getting to know God and His Word, and trusting Him instead of myself
2. How well I loved Mary, served her, nourished & cherished her, built her up, spent time with her, enjoyed her
3. How well I loved my kids, provided for them -- not just things, but also time together, people, experiences, education, stories, music, etc.
4. If I prayed for my wife and kids, and led them toward Jesus
5. Whether I honored my parents & grandparents, spent time with them, and took care of them when needed
6. How well I loved and served: Mary's parents, family, and friends .. my siblings and their families .. and extended family and friends
7. How I enjoyed God and His creation, worshipped Him, encouraged others toward Him, engaged in His community, and served my community/world
8. In my vocation, whether I did it with passion, integrity, excellence, and whether I used my vocation to serve others

List #2. Things that don't matter, never will, and never have (i.e. "things that I spend all my time caring about"):

1. How good I was at making or managing money ... except in pursuit of the things listed above
2. How well-liked I was by those who didn't know me very well or deeply
3. How cool or witty I was (or, more likely, wasn't)
4. How perfect and organized my house/car/life is ... and how good I was at "keeping it all together"
5. How well my kids performed at school or activities ... or how many veggies they ate
6. How much hair I have (left)
7. Whether my resume or list of accomplishments was impressive
8. Whether I had a position of status or was a nobody, whether I got credit for accomplishments or not, or how high I climbed the success ladder

Taylor family update

For the three people who told me that they read my blog:), I decided to add a post.  This past month has been quite eventful!  And the past six months have been a reminder to me that we are ultimately not in control of everything in our lives.  I hesitantly confess that I occasionally listen to K-Love on the radio which either makes me shed a tear or want to wretch it is so cheesy.  But they do play a beautiful song by Laura Story called "Blessings".  Here are the lyrics:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long that we have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I have shed a few tears listening to this song:)

This song reminds me of the C.S. Lewis quote: God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world. 

I have to believe that God redeems suffering in some way or I just can't make sense of some things.  In December, I unfortunately had an unexpected miscarriage.  It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me though I know it is not rare occurrence.  It happened right on Christmas which made it even worse.  Quite honestly it was terrible.  When you have a baby you are surrounded by lots of supportive people.  When you have a miscarriage you are physically in the dark and on your own.  I did have my wonderful family for support, but it is just different.  Thankfully over the past year, I have been memorizing different Bible verses.  During that dark time, those verses were to me a great comfort for my soul.  The words that I had memorized became more than words, but promises and words directly from God to me.  I felt God speaking to me and loving me during that time.  Now I don't think I'll actively be praying for hard times, but God's comfort was certainly a merciful gift.

Okay so back to this month.  Rumors have been circulated for a while at IBM about them selling Brian's division.  Finally, an article was published on the internet and the next day it was announced that Brian's division at IBM, Retail Store Solutions, is being sold to Toshiba.  Another thing we have absolutely no control over.  When IBM bought PSI we never thought that nine years later he would still be working at IBM.  But with no plans to leave and a family to support, an uncertain change can rock your world a little.  Thankfully, everything is pretty much staying exactly the same.  Same bosses, same job, same location, etc.  The change should take place sometime this summer.

And... we found out last month that we are expecting a baby.  I was cautiously excited, but since I had a miscarriage, they did an ultrasound and saw the baby and heartbeat.  Praise God!

A few other notes, Hannah is finishing up her Kindergarten year at Forest View Elementary School.  She has an amazing teacher and I am so happy the year has been such a success.  She is number 7 on the waiting list for a charter school here in town that actually goes through high school.  We are waiting to see if she gets in, and if she does we may switch her.  But, we are so happy at Forest View that if she doesn't get in, it is no big deal.  She has taken ballet this year as well and will have a final performance sometime in June.  I have renewed my commitment to read her chapter books and we are just finishing up Dr. Dolittle.  It is a great book for her age with a few pictures so things stay interesting.  We looked up all the different kind of monkeys that were mentioned in the book.  She is growing up so fast!!!

Charis is finishing up her first year of pre-school.  She has had a great year as well.  Charis really needs physical activity so I am kind of dreading her being out of school full-time.  She is so full of life.  We'll have to spend lots of time at the pool.  She has a will of her own and basically wants to wear the same things over and over again even though she has a closet full of some super cute clothes.  She is going to look back at pictures one day and say, "why did you always dress me in the that ugly shirt!"  Ummmm because you had a complete melt down every single morning and I didn't want to put up a fight.  She basically wants to do the opposite of anything you want her to do.  This morning she asked me to get her a blanket.  I brought her one and she immediately said, "I wanted the pink one".  It is exhausting.  But she is absolutely adorable, curious and loves people.  Apparently, Brian had the same will of his own growing up... according to his mom.

Well, if you are still reading I am very impressed!  Maybe I'll write another post in a few months:)

Another Favorite Thing.....

To continue with my favorite things.... immediately after I posted my last post on favorite things, I couldn't believe I left my kindle off the list.  I absolutely love my kindle.  I can get hundreds of classics for free at my fingertips at any given moment in a tiny device smaller than a regular book.  I don't have to hold a huge bulky book to read Les Miserables.  I can underline and un-underline, write notes and then get all of my underlines and notes online and put them in a word document.  I can send documents to my kindle and read them.  I can even see popular highlights from others which is sometimes interesting.  It is the best $100 I have spent this past year.  Brian borrowed mine for a trip and then bought his own.  I can even get the greek bible on the kindle.  As part of this post, I am including a few quotes from the book I am currently reading (only 20% done according to the kindle).  Can you guess what it is??

"But as soon as one is at rest, in this world, off he goes on something else to worry about."

"The mere knowledge of a fact is pale; but when you come to realize your fact, it takes on color. It is all the difference between hearing of a man being stabbed to the heart, and seeing it done."

" It seems to show that there isn't anything you can't stand, if you are only born and bred to it."

You can stop reading here or suffer through this last quote.  It might identify the book, if you read it in 10th grade English.

"Now it is curious how progressively little frets grow and multiply after they once get a start.  Things which I didn't mind at all, at first, I began to mind now—and more and more, too, all the time.  The first ten or fifteen times I wanted my handkerchief I didn't seem to care; I got along, and said never mind, it isn't any matter, and dropped it out of my mind.  But now it was different; I wanted it all the time; it was nag, nag, nag, right along, and no rest; I couldn't get it out of my mind; and so at last I lost my temper and said hang a man that would make a suit of armor without any pockets in it.  You see I had my handkerchief in my helmet; and some other things; but it was that kind of a helmet that you can't take off by yourself.  That hadn't occurred to me when I put it there; and in fact I didn't know it.  I supposed it would be particularly convenient there.  And so now, the thought of its being there, so handy and close by, and yet not get-at-able, made it all the worse and the harder to bear.  Yes, the thing that you can't get is the thing that you want, mainly; every one has noticed that. Well, it took my mind off from everything else; took it clear off, and centered it in my helmet; and mile after mile, there it stayed, imagining the handkerchief, picturing the handkerchief; and it was bitter and aggravating to have the salt sweat keep trickling down into my eyes, and I couldn't get at it.  It seems like a little thing, on paper, but it was not a little thing at all; it was the most real kind of misery.  I would not say it if it was not so. I made up my mind that I would carry along a reticule next time, let it look how it might, and people say what they would.  Of course these iron dudes of the Round Table would think it was scandalous, and maybe raise Sheol about it, but as for me, give me comfort first, and style afterwards."

Waynesville, NC

In 1998 my parents bought a cabin in Waynesville, NC.   A real cozy cabin on a mountain in Waynesville.  Over the years we have enjoyed so many great times at the cabin.  Since Brian has been working a lot, I decided to drive the girls over to Waynesville to give him some time to work without worrying about us.  Hannah is also taking a few days off of school.  It wasn't the ideal drive because it was raining the whole time and I am a tense driver, but it wasn't too bad.  The girls slept the majority of the trip while I listened to Tim Keller sermons and my brother's new CD.  I honestly think Tim Keller has been the most influential speaker in my life over the past 5 years.  There are so many spiritual truths and passages of scripture that I understand more because of his sermons.  We have also gotten to hear him speak 3 or 4 times at his church in New York.  Every time I hear him, I feel enriched.  I am grateful for his ministry and boldness in teaching the Word of God.  I also listened to Franklin's new CD a few times.  It is really good (I may be a little biased) and brought back lots of great memories of growing up and listening to his music.  Here is a link to the album: https://www.cdbaby.com/cd/myfriendfranklin2. 

It is so easy to enjoy the simple things in life while you are at the cabin.  Beautiful fall leaves, driving on the Blue Ridge Parkway, shopping at the general store, hot beverages, little girls in matching pajamas, buying mountain apples and apple cider, reading a book.  Life justs slows down here and it is fun to do pretty much nothing.  The leaves are absolutely beautiful and I feel so lucky to be here at this time.  Today we drove a little of the parkway.  At one point we made it to snow.  It was just amazing... pure white with some orange sprinkled in.  I can't believe we live so close to such breath-taking natural views.  What fun memories I have of this place and I hope our girls will too!

These are a few of my favorite things

So Oprah has her favorite things and today I was thinking of a list of mine.  Here are a few...

• Simple Human Paper Towel Wall Mount - I know sounds crazy, but I love this paper towel holder.

• Simple Human Pull out trash can- Another crazy favorite thing, but it keeps the kitchen clear of a bulky trash can.

• Nespresso Citiz Espresso Maker with Aeroccino Plus Automatic Milk Frother - Okay this probably should have gone on the top of the list.  I traded in some gold jewelry and bought this amazing machine.  I think I have at least 5 lattes a week.

• Lenovo Ideapad- Another thing that I traded some gold jewelry in for.  Brian picked out this great laptop for me.  I was debating getting a Ipad, but decided it was just a big toy and we already have an I touch.  I love, love, love my Ideapad.  It is brand new so I get to organize everything really well.  I have been setting up all sorts of cleaning schedules, calendars, and weekly meal plans.   This is the perfect small laptop and great for all my needs.

Okay that is all for now, but I know I have more so I will add those later.

Brian got his trumpet back

A blog revival

We haven't blogged in a really long time. Life has taken over and I rarely have time to actually reflect while sitting at a computer. But, things are changing.

After a year of agonizing over where Hannah will go to kindergarten (actually probably more like 5 years), she has started at Forest View Elementary School. I didn't cry at all though I do feel her absence during the day. She has a great teacher and I am grateful that she is in such a diverse environment. There is really no majority or minority of race/culture in her class. There are kids from Asia, India, Denmark, France, Vietnam (I think) and some Hispanic and African American, and Caucasian children as well. She truly is color blind. What a blessing.

Charis will also start pre-school this week which will lead to even more time. She is so excited and full of life. She will have no problem adjusting and I know she will love her class. I am trying to sign her up for a gymnastics class. She loves hanging and has the biggest quad muscles of any 2 year old I have seen. We go next Thursday for her to try it out. Hannah will continue taking ballet and adjusting to her big time school schedule.

Another reason I am optimistic about our blog is that I traded in my gold jewelry and used some of the profit to buy a new laptop. I now have more flexibility in writing. A big thank you to Brian who picked out the perfect computer for my needs. I love it!

I also have more time to reflect because I will be in the car a lot more doing carpool. I spent an evening downloading listening materials and also picked some stuff up at the library.

Providentially, I found a neat CD at the library compiled by Julie Andrews of lots of different songs and poems. It was great listening to it these past few days. http://www.amazon.com/Julie-Andrews-Collection-Poems-Lullabies/dp/160024758X Here is a great poem that is on it by Charles Dickens. I love Dickens and I totally agree with him about Autumn!

‘Tis pleasant on a fine spring morn
To see the buds expand,.
‘Tis pleasant in the summer time
To see the fruitful land;
‘Tis pleasant on a winter’s night
To sit around the blaze,
But what are joys like these, my boys,
To merry autumn days!

We hail the merry Autumn days,
When leaves are turning red;
Because they’re far more beautiful
Than anyone has said,
We hail the merry harvest time,
The gayest of the year;
The time of rich and bounteous crops,
Rejoicing and good cheer.

Be on the look out for more posts!

November

So I haven't posted since May, and I have only posted twice this whole year. Wow! I have to admit- all of my attempts at being thankful this month have been overcome by crying kids, failed projects, sickness, and work. I have yet to learn to have a constant thankful heart in all circumstances despite the fact that I have had multiple Bible Studies on the subject. I suspect it is because I have a false view of life and God, and I think everything should go my way at all times... sounds like a good News Years resolution to me. Our Thankful Tree we created had four leaves on it all created by Hannah. She was very dear and was thankful for God, her Bible, Charis and food. She could teach me a few things! Hopefully the project will be more successful next year. On a brighter note, we cleared the entire backyard and bought a playset off craigslist. This will hopefully lead to many happy times this coming year. I would like to end the month by truly being thankful for a few things.

1) Our church- I have said this multiple times, but I am so thankful for our church. I can't imagine what condition my soul would be in if we did not go to church every week. I don't go out of obligation, but I go because I LOVE church. I always have. I need to be reminded of how amazing God is and of His eternal truth on a regular basis. I love my church family and they are all so dear to me. I can't wait to go to the "Behold the Lamb" concert that will be held there later in the week.

2) My family- I am so thankful for Brian, Hannah, Charis, my mom, dad and brother, all of Brian's family, etc. I am thankful my parents moved here this year and we will have lots of special moments together in the future. Brian is so gifted and so many ways and such a wonderful father. My girls are so special to me. I can't imagine better in-laws! Cheers to a great family!

3) Durham- sounds weird, but I love Durham. I love living here. I love our neighborhood and home. I love the fall and spring. I love my gym, Hannah's pre-school, the people here, the restaurants, etc.

4) Brian's job- Brian has traveled a lot this year which has certainly been hard. But, I am thankful he does have a great job that he likes and he is able to provide for our family through it. He gets to be creative and meet people from all over the world. This year we both traveled to London twice and he went to Germany and Poland and many other places in the US. I am very proud that he has done an excellent job at work this year.

Let the Christmas season begin!

It's been a while

I hope all of my posts are not going to be titled "It's been a while"! I am not going to try and catch up this time.

April was crazy, but thankfully May looks like it will be a relaxing month and a time to catch up. Honestly, it is so hard to get things done with two small children. I had dreams of starting our garden this year, but we would have to clear out our yard, and we just didn't have time to work on it. I really hope we get it going next year. In January, we watched a documentary called Food, Inc, and since then we have been trying to make better decisions about what we eat. I am happy to say, we are doing really well on this goal. We joined a CSA where we get a box of produce from a local organic farm once a week- last week we ate all sorts of new things. We have also been buying milk from our local dairy. I have been making all of our bread and other baked goods from scratch as well. I think this is about the only thing I am succeeding in at the moment. This week we are also taking a break from web surfing and TV. I am totally addicted to both. In my spare time all I want to do is be entertained or do some sort of mindless activity. The first night was pathetic. I didn't even know what to do with my time. Then, I made a list of goals for the week, and I am actually accomplishing a lot of them. Last night I read a book and then just hung out with Brian for a while.


And the greatest thing going on at the moment is that my parents are moving to Raleigh. We are so excited to be closer to them. We already have them scheduled to babysit, so we can go see Wicked this week. We have not been out since February!

Here are a few pictures of the girls. Hannah is finishing up her second year of pre-school. She loves her class and all of her friends there. She loves singing and being silly with her daddy. Charis is just so much fun. The only word she says is "Hi", but she babbles and pretends to talk all the time. She also likes to just spin in circles and fall down. It is hillarious.

That's it for now.

It's been a while

Wow, I just looked at our blog and it has been a long time since I posted something. What has happened since November 10th... Hmmm.

Thanksgiving in Durham with Gramzy, Popsy, and Carla... maybe Franklin can come next time! Thanks to Boston Market, we did not cook. We got up early and went shopping the day after Thanksgiving. It was totally worth it and Gramzy saved our place in line more than once.

December was CRAZY

Hannah had her Christmas program where she lipsynched for at least part of it. This was better than last year where she just stood there the whole time. Here she is not singing.


We had our Christmas really early so the kids could play with their presents before we went to Florida. Hannah was so upset because apparently they told her what Christmas day was suppose to be like at pre-school and we were doing it different. She cried "I can't wear my Christmas pajamas because it is not Christmas yet!" She got over it though. She loves her new bike and has gotten really good. Poor Charis only got a hat for Christmas.


We pretty much finished the playroom. We have yet to get our final inspections. Also, Brian bought the best fire alarms, but they are really sensitive and we have about two false alarms a day. We still haven't figured out the problem. Thankfully Charis and Hannah just sleep through them. We also took a trip to the emergency room because Brian cut his finger on the saw. It is all better now.

We went to Amelia Island, Tallahassee, and Deerfield Beach/Ft. Lauderdale.

We attended Jon Whitney's wedding where we got to catch up with a lot of old friends. We had a blast staying with Don and Danielle, and I was really encouraged to start eating healthy. I have been doing pretty good so far this year. We were having so much fun that I didn't have time to take any pictures.

January flew by-- I don't even remember what we did this month. Brian went to Chicago and New York. Charis started walking. I did another once a month freezer cooking day. We booked tickets to go to London in Feb. Brian turned 31. It snowed and we were stuck inside for days! Both Hannah and I went sledding for the first time. I entered Hannah in the lottery for the public Montessori school. And I just finished a really good book by one of my favorite preachers, Tim Keller. It is called Counterfeit Gods. We are looking forward to spending some time in London together. Nana and Papa are coming to spend a week with the kids and we are so thankful. I will get to visit a good friend who is currently living in Cambridge.

Hopefully, I will be better about posting!

While I was cooking....

While I was cooking all day (see below post), Brian and Papa hung the drywall to the playroom.

Once a Month Cooking

My friend Ashley and I just did a marathon 11 hour day cooking... it feels like a marathon when 4 kids are in the house! Here is the fruit of our labor. We followed this website's menu plan. Now you know what we will be eating this month. http://onceamonthmom.com/cooking/menus/

Halloween

Thoughts

As a stay at home mom, it is tempting to think my life is only a bunch of mundane, seemingly meaningless tasks. Some of these tasks include things like: wiping bottoms, cleaning spit up, trying to make a nutritious meal no one will eat, etc. Some days I feel like I move from task to task just surviving- that I am in a constant battle to bring order to chaos. In past two weeks two warriors lost their battles with cancer. Brian and I hired a babysitter to go to one of these memorial services. We feel it is really important to reflect and celebrate those who have past on before us as well as deal with the painful reality of death. Because of these deaths, I have thought about the reality of my every day life. Yes, it is indeed true that I am in a constant battle with chaos and too often I lose that battle. But, there is a truth that is greater than my little struggle. I have two souls I interact with on a daily basis. God has given me the instruments of prayer and the guide of His Word to raise these souls. He has a plan for us and He can accomplish more than I ever could by worrying. Too often I turn to methods and worry instead of this truth. I am afraid of pain and death as well. I worry about what would happen to Hannah and Charis is something happened to us. I was reminded at the memorial service that all of our days are ordained by the Lord. He has ordained every single one of my days and I can trust in Him. Today I remember Cliff Bernard and Beth Rettig for their faith and endurance. They fought as hard as they could and although we are pained-- Death ultimately does not have the victory. We are assured in Christ who was raised from the dead.

Some other pics

Charleston

This is on an old Navy ship.

View from Ft. Sumter.

This is Bob the horse. He was our guide through Charleston.

Picnic on the way there.

Happy Birthday Hannah!

Hannah is Three!

New Pictures

So our camera broke. After 5 and a half years of loyal pictures I am searching for another one. These are the last pictures I was able to salvage off it. Notice the decrease in quality.

Excerpt from Henri J.M. Nouwen

I really like this quote. I have been trying to steal back some time for reflection and prayer. This really hit home for me!

"Once we have committed ourselves to spending time in solitude, we develop an attentiveness to God's voice in us. In the beginning, during the first days, weeks, or even months, we may have the feeling that we are simply wasting our time. Time in solitude may at first seem little more than a time in which we are bombarded by thousands of thoughts and feelings that emerge from hidden areas of our minds. One of the early Christian writers describes the first stage of solitary prayer as the experience of a man who, after years of living with open doors, suddenly decides to shut them. The visitors who used to come and enter his home start pounding on his doors, wondering why they are not allowed to enter. Only when they realize that they are not welcome do they gradually stop coming. This is the experience of anyone who decides to enter into solitude after a life without much spiritual discipline. At first, the many distractions keep presenting themselves. Later, as they receive less and less attention, they slowly withdraw."

The Playroom Project

New door in Hannah's room.

View of the door from the attic.

Getting ready to install the window. The wood is there so they don't fall out.

Framing the walls and ceiling.

Hannah already loves her new playroom.

Some pictures of sweet Charis.